What is Internal Family Systems therapy and how can it help me?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a psychotherapy model developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980’s. It is a therapeutic model that can help us understand ourselves in a more compassionate and helpful way, rather than thinking there is something ‘wrong’ with us. Rather than seeing ourselves as one big ‘thing’ (like viewing yourself as an ‘anxious person’, a ‘people pleasing person’ etc), IFS describes how these are just simply parts of us rather than us as a whole. It recognises how these parts within us operate like one big family system, with what it describes as 'self energy' at the core. It's a bit like how emotions are portrayed in the film ‘Inside Out’ but the characters within us are our ‘parts’ with their own individual memories, emotions and behaviours.

We all have many parts to us even though we probably don’t even realise this! You will no doubt hear these parts regularly when you say things like ‘part of me really wants to go on that date but another part of me is scared I’ll be hurt again’, ‘part of me wants to apply for that job but another part of me is worried they will find out I’m useless’, ‘part of me really wants to stand up for myself in an argument but another part of me shuts down immediately’. These dilemmas are totally normal and we all do this! But why do we have these parts of us??

IFS describes parts as having different roles:

MANAGER PARTS

We have manager parts that try to protect us by essentially managing our lives. These are sometimes helpful and sometimes not so helpful. Examples include:

A critical part

A people pleasing part

An overthinking part

A hypervigilant part

A controlling part

A driven part etc

These parts can help manage our life, we are often aware they are there and we usually connect with them in a conscious and proactive way (even if we love them or hate them!)

FIREFIGHTER PARTS

We also have ‘firefighter’ parts whose role is to sweep in and help us out when there’s a perceived emergency, just like real firefighters do when there’s a fire. Real firefighters appear in emergencies to put out the flames when something is on fire, their response is immediate and they only have one goal in mind- to prevent further damage and to ultimately help us survive and keep us safe. This probably means they will leave a mess behind, with soot and water everywhere, burnt buildings, and things looking quite different compared to before the fire.

Our firefighter parts act in a very similar way.

They appear when we’re totally overwhelmed and they swoop in in a very reactive way, often to shut down the overwhelm and the pain. They can take various forms such as:

A shutdown / cut off part

An addictive part (substances, shopping, gambling etc)

A self harm part

A workaholic part

An aggressive part etc

And just like actual real firefighters putting out a fire, they are only concerned about survival and getting us to safety. The consequences of their behaviours don’t enter the picture at the time, these parts just want us to stop feeling pain.

EXILE PARTS

We also have parts of us that are described as exiles in IFS. These are our often younger and vulnerable parts that have been traumatised, hurt and wounded. They carry painful memories, emotions and sensations and may have been rejected, abandoned, abused. These parts are so painful that our protector parts (our managers and firefighters) ‘exile’ them to protect us from the overwhelming pain.

IFS helps us to identify and get to know our parts and helps us to understand that (despite how they may feel to us) none of these parts are ‘bad’. IFS helps us to move towards these parts and be curious about them rather than running away from them. A therapist working within an IFS framework would help a client recognise and name their parts and gradually move towards them (with permission from the parts) to understand and befriend them. This helps us to step back from being ‘blended’ with our parts (ie being stuck with them and feeling like we ARE the parts) and learn that maybe the part doesn’t need to do their job quite as much now and they can be seen and heard but can sit to the side a bit more.

SELF ENERGY

A central and really important part of IFS is the concept of self energy (or the ‘Self’ that it is often also referred to). Self energy can often be hidden by the protective parts that smother it, but it is within us all. Self energy isn’t a separate part but is rather a calm and grounded centre that is always there. It is easier to access our Self if we can allow our protective parts to step to the side.

A good analogy is like the Self being like this friendship plant in the picture below (a very appropriate name since IFS talks about befriending parts!). IFS outlines the idea that the Self has ‘8 C’ qualities (because they all start with C, making it easy to remember) and the leaves of this plant represents those 8 C’s:

Compassion

Calmness

Curiosity

Connectedness

Clarity

Creativity

Courage

Confidence

Just like how a plant develops from having optimal conditions such such as good soil, sunlight, water, care and attention, our 8 C qualities also develop under optimal conditions such as attunement, safety, care, nurturing, regulation and compassion.

The environment the plant is in might think it’s trying to help the plant but it can actually end up making the plant suffer. Like spraying too much bug spray to protect it might actually cause damage to the leaves, putting it in strong direct sunlight might seem a good idea but it wilts the leaves, overwatering it might make it drown when we were just worried about it not having enough water. These conditions are really just trying to be adaptive and protect the plant but they inadvertently may make it suffer. Just like how our parts are just trying to help and protect us too but can also inadvertently make us struggle and suffer.

How do we connect with our Self??

Just like how a plant needs sunlight and the right conditions to grow, so does our Self to allow for natural growth. We can provide the right conditions and connect with our Self in various ways such as:

If we start looking at our life through a curious lens - that’s Self energy.

If we notice that we have the courage to step out of our comfort zone - that’s Self energy.

If we start connecting with compassion to ourselves instead of criticism - that’s Self energy.

If we can realise with clarity that we have parts and what they help us with - that’s Self energy.

If we can the step back from our parts and just notice them with calmness - that’s Self energy.

We don’t need to fix ourselves, because we aren’t broken. We just need to allow for growth and this often happens naturally when our protector parts step back, create space and understand that they don't have to always work as hard for us now. When our Self Energy is more present and connected, our protector parts can then feel heard and sit to the side. This can also then allow us to connect with those more vulnerable parts that have been exiled. This connection can then lead to us be in a more optimal position to process and heal the traumas and exiles, by continuing IFS work or by working alongside other therapy approaches such as EMDR.

And just like the plant, we can then grow and thrive 🪴❤️

Thanks for reading!

Jo, Jan & Catherine

@thewellbeingrooms

(If you’d like to find out more about IFS we would recommend the book ‘No Bad Parts’ by Richard Schwartz. If you are a therapist, 'Treating Trauma with EMDR & IFS' by Kendhal Hart is also a great clinician guide to working within both of these therapeutic approaches)